You can see from my coat of arms that the stately pile of Hardend House is a haven for those ladies who desire to have their bottom bared and strict discipline applied.

My ancestor, Sir Anthony Buffet-Hide built Hardend House in the Victorian era having made his fortune from the sale of wooden spoons, paddles and the Buffet-Hide patented mechanical flogger.

Despite his reputation as a strict disciplinarian, the guest bedrooms were always full and the queue of young ladies wishing to join the serving staff seemed never to dwindle.

You can still hear the screams of the domestic staff and guests as they receive their instruction but these are now mingled with giggles and excited chatter.

Not that I am one to encourage this sort of behaviour of course. Being a traditionalist too much chattering in my presence will soon bring forth the desired response.

My recollections of some of these delightful encounters and observations of some of my guests are recorded in extracts from my diaries below. Thanks to Astrid, my talented butler, there are also photographs accompanying most of the entries.

Admission to all of Hardend House is free. Many of the rooms are open to the public but to gain access to the naughtier areas simply subscribe (it’s free and always will be) below to receive your personal invitation.